生日礼物

今年有两份生日礼物，第一份是FF, SF, 和 CY 送的 Polo Club 钱包。 应该不便宜，我很喜欢。

第二份，是我学妹送的， “祈祷祝我快点找到女朋友”。。。。。 无话可说的礼物。。。 她说这个礼物最实际 =="

FF

You will never know what a little girl can do when she really care about you. This year birthday of mine became so special because of FF. She is really spoiling me, LOL...

4 days before my birthday she already bought the birthday gift for me, sharing together with SF and CY. The eve of my birthday, she gave me a sms around 8pm said that she was too tired and would be able to greet me at midnight because she needed to go for bed. However, when i online at 11pm, she was onlining. At 12am, she msn me 'happy birthday', she is so excited, and i almost thought that she was the one who had a birthday, LOL.

When i showed her a birthday greeting thread from a junior in a forum, she immediately created another greeting thread for me in Cari Forum while messaged all the members i know to greet me there. She spent almost an hour to message all the members i think. Really, i got touched...

The next day of my birthday, which was the day i met accident, my mood was spoilt. She, SF, CY, KF came my home and celebrated for belated birthday for me. In fact i had no much mood that night. But i am appreciating a lot for their sincerity. They sang birthday song for me, brought me the gift they bought, we had snacks, wine, watched TV together, laugh together.. it was really a not bad night. hmmm.... but i didnt make a wish.. as i dont know what else i can wish for, because i dont believe in my future anymore...

Thank you very much :) You are really my adorable grand-daughter, LOL...

Accident

Its only the second day of my birthday, and i met an accident in the early morning. I have nothing to argue as i was the one behaved illegally first. I not sure what punishment will be make on me as police will only announce summon after the other party make report. She was fractured her leg and hospitalized. Hopefully she is fine without any inner injury.

The inspector told me i most probably will be charged under section 43, which is the heaviest punishment as behaved recklessly on road and risking other people life. Possible punishment including canceling my driving license and fine of few thousands ringgit. I cant take both punishments as i have no much money on hand now, and i cant drive, i cant anything here. Without transport, i am dead. Lets see hows everything going.... sigh...

26岁的遗言

昨晚晚宴回来，半夜赶着报告，头脑有点晕晕了。SF来和我msn，聊着聊着她突然问我是不是不快乐，我有点奇怪，因为我都用我一贯聊天的方式和她聊着，为什么她会知道我不快乐呢？ 问她原因，她说感觉。嗯，不知道是她细心，还是其实大家都知道我不快乐，只是没有人问我？ 不过还是要在这里称赞她一下，她的确是一个可爱贴心的女生，如果早两年认识她，我应该会疯狂的爱上她吧，呵呵。

人，到底要经过多少，才会找到幸福？ 而当我不断批判社会现实的时候，是不是我本身也有很多问题，才会让幸福一直不敢靠近我。当我对生活越来越没有期盼的时候，是不是代表着我的人生其实正在走向终结？ 活着，只是为了呼吸吗？而我，似乎连呼吸都懒惰了。

再过几天，我就27岁了。忘了从哪一年开始我注意起了自己的年龄，是不是因为太无聊了呢？ 所以要找些号码来烦一烦。27了，事业，金钱，爱情，似乎都没什么值得骄傲的。我好想，好想。。。。。。。。 睡觉

第一眼的感觉

我不太记得之前的帖是不是有说过这个主题了，毕竟已经一年多了，写了好多好多，好多以前的写过的东西都忘了。

今天一个朋友说他很注重对男生的第一眼感觉，感觉不对就很难会在以后考虑这个男生。我不知道有多少女生是这样的，但我想，应该是大多数吧，甚至是全部？ 当然看金钱看地位的女生例外啦。。。。

如果是这样的话，我想，我还真的是没什么可能交女朋友了吧。我给人的第一眼感觉，不管男女，应该都一样吧。。。。 这应该也是我需要接受的一个现实。 ：）

Blogging outside the room

i am writing this blog in my friend's home. This is the first time i do blog outside my room. The feel is different as this is an open area with friends just few metres away. Tonight i will go to Tao again, with KF, FF, SF and others. hmmm... why go there again? haha.. i donno, really is for the waitress there? or just there is no other place to go? life, sometime is just a bit bore until you have no way to know what to do, where to go. Is this call 'lost'? hehe....

心冷了

由于近来太忙了，一眨眼已经快一个月没有在这里留下一言半句了。今天抽出一些时间在这里发发牢骚，呵呵，其实还有满多报告还没打完，但实在太懒惰了，假日还是先和朋友出去玩吧，其他的以后才想。

今天因为FF有约，KF塞车，结果第一次单独和SF在Gurney乱转找东西吃，最后还是决定去吃到怕了的金佳利。在停车场绕了6-7圈，幌了半个小时才找到停车位。然后看SF手忙脚乱的开我的推车，过后又顾头顾尾的帮这个帮那个，服务周到下。突然间有感而发，心里有几许无奈。

从以前的SM, 到后来的LT, Caroline, Sagi, YS, ST, ML, KY, 到现在SN, LH, FF, SF, 和我一起出去过的女孩子都会对我很好，照顾周到。我也知道他们只是出于一片朋友的关心，才会对我那么好。她们的关心与照顾，我觉得很感激高兴，也很温暖，但也有很多时候，我其实很讨厌这样。

我是一个寂寞的人，期待爱情，也渴望有一个我喜欢，也喜欢我的人对我好。她们对我的好，让我其实很感慨。不知什么时候，我才能找到我的命中注定来给我这份温暖。而她们之中，也有几位是我喜欢的类型。这种照顾关心如果是表现给普通的男孩子，可以很容易就知道一个女孩子是不是愿意给这个男孩子继续发展的机会。可是，放在我的情况，我分辨不出。自己喜欢类型的女孩子一直对自己如此照顾，就算明知道只是出于朋友的关心，久而久之也会有所期待吧。而我就被这种期待伤过太多次了。现在的我，心似乎已经冻结了，感激还在，但温暖的感觉没有了。除了谢谢，我不再去想别的。

现在的我，真的再也找不回那种纯纯爱一个人的感觉了，这就是成长吗？

Tao Lounge Night

Coffee Bean held his second Tao Buffet gathering last night. I didnt go for that as I was attended the first one 2 months ago. Around 6pm i departed to fetch KY and LF. As KF said he wanted to bring us to have special food as dinner in Butterworth, i decided to take ferry across the sea. This is the first time i took ferry after almost 3 yrs in Penang. Kind of interesting actually, by looking at the system they apply at jetty. All cars queue in rows before dock on the ferry. The workers sliding the block between rows to make sure the number of car do not exceed the quote. The system is primitive but i think is quite effective. However, the Penang is too far away for observation.

After we reached Butterworth, KF brought us to eat octopus and Char Koay Teow at Bagan Ajam. The food is not bad but out of my expectation. We continued later by fetching Zonlee and went to Tao. After we took our seats at lounge, KM and HF arrived. Happily HF willing to sit beside me as i requested. I ordered 1 pint of KilKenny, which is a beer that i didnt take it for quite some time.

Whole night i talked to HF most of the time, and then YSL joined us afterward. I sat very close and tight to HF, hehe.. I think this is the first i take initiative to do that. I was not sure she was comfortable or not, maybe she doesnt dare to sit with me again next time, haha.. I requested to take a photo with her, and then YSL did that as well. Very obviously YSL is interests on HF, and this is the second time he approaches girl i interesting too. Anyway, his chance is always higher than me and i actually do not expect much from HF as well. I keep the reason as secret here. One of the good thing of last night was i discovered HF's leg is quite beautiful, as i sat very close with her. My body having her perfume smell as well afterward, haha.. I am not sure what brand of perfume she is using, smell nice.

There were a lot of people, joining the Tao buffet. few are not familiar with. Met LHKPop, AmyTeng, LX, and others who long time never see. We were home around 1.30am.

遥远的初恋

时隔7年，今天我终于见到了我遥远的初恋对象，ET，哈哈。好久都没有那么高兴了，因为毕竟圆了我7年的梦。当年她差一点就成为了我的情人，虽然这是我人生里久久未能平复的遗憾，但我不得不承认，当年不成熟的我其实并不适合和她在一起。这7年来，我们都保持着好朋友的关系，但在我心里，她一直都存在着一个特别的位置，虽然很多时候我们都因为太忙而不经意的忽略的对方。

她终于答应和我见面，是因为她即将跳飞机到英国去，很难确定她还会不会回来。说实话，如果这一生都没有见过她，这将会是我除了不能很好的孝顺父母之外，这一辈子最大的遗憾。

她到达见面地点之前，我有点紧张。在喜欢的人面前我会很难说话，是很多朋友都知道的弱点。虽然和她以朋友身份相对了那么多年，但我心里还是会对她有些许期待，有机会的话，我真的想要再追求她一次。当她终于出现在我的视线时，我心里的感觉不知要怎么形容。她与我想象中的一样，是一个有气质，充满吸引力的女生。我的眼光果然不差，哈哈哈。。。

东拉西扯的聊了一通，我的口才果然还是有待加强。按我的要求，她带了相机。终于我们有了第一张合照，很希望这不会是最后也是唯一的一张。可惜拍照的时候靠的不够近，呵呵。。。

无论如何，很感谢她特地老远的架了一个小时的车来见我。希望她在英国一切顺利，也希望我和她有缘会再见面。再会了，我的梦中初恋。

照片

昨晚拿到了HF的friendster, 拿了她很多照片，哈哈， 好高兴。。。。

也不知道从什么时候开始，我开始喜欢收集喜欢的人的照片，而且是大量的收集。看看我的收藏，其实也不算多啦，到现在为止真正有去用心收集的只有LT, ET, ZY, 和刚刚的HF。

ET的照片从5年前起断断续续的收集3年左右，但数量不多，主要是因为她不肯给。不少照片都是要求了好久才勉强给我的。但从去年开始我已经很少和她要照片了，越来越懒惰和她耗那么多时间，只为了一张照片。ZY的照片呢从今年3月开始收集的。其实我也不知道收集她的照片来干吗，因为打从认识她我就知道她不可能会喜欢我，对她的感觉其实更像是对待妹妹那样。她现在也有了一位常常今天吵，明天好的男朋友，但还是时不时会去偷拿她msn的头像，收来好玩，哈哈。

LT的照片则留给我最多回忆。她应该是和我合照过最多的女生吧。当初追求她时的最后半年，她一直逃避和我见面。不知有多少个寂寞的夜晚，我只能对这她的照片叹息。她不告而别之后，我也只能看着她的照片流泪。现在，我已经很少再去翻看那些照片了。

至于HF,其实应该算刚认识不久吧，喜欢她身上有的一股气质。但她心里还一直挂念着前男友。

现在想想，也不知道是不是因为一直都认为我喜欢的人都不会喜欢自己，所以才会想要收集她们的照片，寂寞的时候至少可以看看照片，傻瓜似的单相思一下，哈哈。。。。