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i called my junior few days ago. She is interests to know whether LT will come back penang after read my blog, and she asked me am i still loving her much. Well, i dont know how to answer her. Deeply in heart, LT is still the girl i want to be together the most. If one day in future there will be someone loving me, i hope she is the person. But in realistics is, i do looking for gf. I did approach girl (ST). I really confused, am i still qualified to say that i am loving her. Life always sucks, it will never goes as what we are hoping for. i not sure how many people in this world is living happily with the one they love most in their life, but i believe that most of the people are not. Even LT does come back, will i approach her again? i really dont know. I dont want to put her into dilemma again. I know that i did bother her too much ago.

Busy with work

Recently is busying with work. I not sure how much i can handle, but i am trying my best. I not sure is my personal problem, or the environment here has made me boring, i dont have any motivation in completing my taks. Feel like lost my way since long time ago.

Up and down

After few days of extremely good luck, bad luck haunts me this 2 days. Market share dropping, company share dropping, it seem like taking back all the things i gained. Everything is back to normal. This is what we call life right? Up and down, the only thing we have at the end might be only memory and experiences.

"You are the best friend can ever have"

I took a test today and it given me result above. LOL, the result just matches my situation perfectly. Almost all people who know me said that i am very good friend. Even all the girls rejected me used it as an excuse, "you are the best friend i can ever have", and they really do. Everytime they have problem, quarrel with bf, this or that, they will find me. Sigh...

Well, i know i am not attractive. Maybe is true that i will only have a lot of friends in my life, but not a gf. I think i am getting use to be alone already. Its bad, but not too bad la, still can survive.

Coming back?

LT told me today she is considering to come back Penang or moving to singapore. Well, I dont know why suddenly she think about to come back. It was been more than a year i didnt see her. In fact i feel its better for her to go Singapore than coming back, even though i hope so much to see her again. I really dont know what kind of feel i will have if i really meet her again one day. I buried everything about her deep in my heart, I am so afraid of dig it out again.

飚车

昨晚心情很不好，在回家时的一段路上猛踩油门，时速最高去到了130公里。路上当时还有一些车子和电单车。左避右闪的，还踩了两次紧急刹车。 呵呵，那种命悬一线的感觉，还真的是一种不错的发泄。但以后还是最好不要这样了，自己死了不要紧，万一伤害到了别人就太不应该了。

1 year of Blogging

17th June, my blog's birthday. My blog was 1 yr old now. hmmm... how surprise i am able to discipline myself to blog for a year...

Should I sad?

Recently i was been very good luck, i mean for my fortune. I won money 3 night straight from football, my unit trust keep climbing high as share market is bullish, even my intel share jump up USD$1 today! .. ya, everytime when money come into my pocket for no reason, i know i would be failed in my court again.

It proven true today as ST put in her msn nick that indicated me we only can be friend.. hmmm... well, i respect her decision. I dont know should i sad or not as i actually never confess to her and she never reject me as well, so, what i am sadding for? ... sigh...

Gorgeous

I went to Halo Cafe in Autocity with Pyen and Kebe last night, as a dinner celebration for Kebe. We were the first customers arrived, lol. After dinner we stay there had some chat until ST came. She looked gorgeous last night, with a scarf around her neck. I think workers in Halo were quite excited with her dress, lol.

Pyen and Kebe left before first round rest. I decided to stay as its been quite days i didnt see her. She sang quite few songs i dedicated, and her performance was great last night. I enjoyed very much there even though i stayed until very late and i knew i would be very tired for work on next day.

I was the last person left the cafe. Her partner even asked me how i could stay so late if i have to work the next day, lol. I wanted to wait her actually but she seem still wanted to practice some songs there even the performance was ended. I decided to leave without waiting her as if i really waited her, there will be big rumour among the cafe workers about me and her, which i feel, may have negative impact to her work there.

There were couples of guys last night that dedicated songs to her and captured her video. More or less i felt jealous, of course .. keke.. but this also showed that my taste is not bad right? haha....

hmm... too bad i dont have camera to get her picture, sigh....

Balancing myself

Last wednesday was went out in big group to Kulim for dinner. Surprisingly ST was joined us as well, because ahe told me that she wanted to go Halo to see Tank. Kingfisher and Kenny purposely arranged her to sit beside me (i think most of them knowing that i like ST). I tried to start some topics with ST but seem i still couldnt talk with ST freely like others. Instead, i joked more with Sagi and Tcgien, same for ST, she talked and joked with them more.

I really dont know that how to attract her attention. I am really sucks in talking with the girl i like. Kingfisher and Kenny said that i am too caring about her feeling, worrying i would say something that offended her, thats why i could talk freely with her. Well, i admit that, this is what i should take care and change. Relax and let everything be natural, dont expect too much, but keep myself motivated and caring her. This really sound hard ya.

Saturday i went to Eden handicap center charity sales with Kooiyen and chunjin. After that i went to autocity to see car roadshow, met Kenny, Kingfisher, and Xiaowenzai there. ST was working on her assignment on Island and said that might find us if she finished early. However, everyone wanted to go home early, so i called Chamelleon and Panda out to have a night tea. We chat until 11.30pm, but didnt get any news from ST. Thus we dismissed and went home.

Sunday i went out with Chamelleon, egg, adeline and Panda to Redbox. I called ST up but she said she not yet finished her assignment and need to work on it until night. In noon i got her sms saying that she would have programme shooting (their assignment is shooting a programme aka Amazing race, did i mention that she is studying Broadcasting? ) just outside gurney plaza. After singing we went to the place they work. They were seem quite professional, with all the equipments, scripts, director... of course, i saw ST :) but i didnt go down as they were busy and was not so convenient to me. But Chamelleon them went down and said hi to her. I just waved hand to her and she responsed to me as well. A short moment later we left the place.

I trying to not go too agressive on her as i feel this will scare her away. I need to balance myself between my feel and action while taking care her feeling as well. I dont know whether this is the right way, but, this is the best way i can think of. I am not daring enough to go straight forward as this will make both of us feel embarass especially if she is not interest on me at all.

Anyway, i need to keep telling myself that let everything be natural, dont expect too much..... hmmm... a phrase that i not really like actually...

Rumour

There are rumours started about me and ST. I not sure whether is it someone had read my blog or diary and spread it out there. I am actually fine with it, but i just have the concern ST would be disturbed. Anyway, my junior told me that rumour is just fine and will not affect her if she is interested on me as well. I am just wondering how true this statement is. I just hope that these guys would know the limit and wont go too far.

Actions?

I visited ST in her working place for 5 times in last 8 days, including last friday to sunday 3 days straight! Well, i not sure whether this is a bit too much, but i sure this is kind of obvious for my motive right?

On friday night i was sent her a rose from young kid florist who selling roses in lounge. Too bad i realised the next she thought the rose was given by Kenny, as he was with me in the lounge that time. Kingfisher clarified with her the flower was sent by me. I not sure how she felt when she knew that was from me.

As usual whenever kingfisher was there i have no chance to talk with her. They like to tease on each other and hard to go into their topics. I not sure but i feel that she not really dare to joke on me, as she took initiative to joke with Zonlee which is even rarely talk compare to me, but she not did that to me. Am i looked too serious? i think i tried my best to smile as much as i could.

Anyway, last sunday was a bit special as i went visited her alone. In fact i didnt plan to go as i felt i visited her too much. But i got her call said that she was caught in jam and would late to work. Ya, i also heard that bridge was terribly jam last night. I was thinking what would happen if she was very late? thus i decided to go check the situation there out.

Her working hour is 9pm-1am. As i reached there around 9.30pm, she was already performing in there, thus i guessed she was not late much. Since i already there, so i decided to go in. I sit behind a glass window and i thought she saw me. After the 1st round rest i only knew that she didnt notice me. Well, to notify her someone was there, i dedicated few songs to her. Eventually she found me, hehehe.

It was a bit weird as i was the only one person sitting alone. I not sure am i look boring as a lot of waiter looked at me. I had a short talk with her when she was taking second round rest. It was rain after that. Oh man that was very bad for me as i cant get into my house if rain is heavy. Luckily the the rain stopped right before she ended her performance. She sang a few songs that required well trained skill and quite impressed me. She actually singing quite nice. Wondering will she have a chance to has her own album in future.

The moment she accompanied me to car, she nagged me a little bit for go visit her alone, and never notify her. I not sure is that mean she was worrying about me, or just, mean nothing. hmm.....

Portable Lamp Post

I went out with ST and kingfisher twice this week. They are very very good friend which close enough to joke everything including loving each other. Most of the time they let me (or most of us in the gang) feel that they are a couple. The way they talk, action, leave no room for me to get in. Well, felt that i was an extra guy who shouldnt exist, in between them. First time in my life that i really feel i am such a big portable lamp post.